Disney Dilemmas
by ThePinkSharpie
Summary: Random Disney characters discuss their problems on a talk show with Mickey Mouse. First up: Gaston from Beauty and the Beast


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Disney characters. Disney owns Disney characters. Makes sense.**

**Author's Note: I've always wanted to do this and I finally had time, but I'm not sure when I will be able to update. Hopefully soon! I have lots of ideas but feel free to give me some more no matter how weird they are. Gaston has a lot of issues but I chose this one because I love Belle too much to leave her out of it. Anyway if you've actually taken time out of your day to read this...I appreciate it.**

_A mouse dressed in a tux appears center stage in cloud of magic dust just because he can do that sort of stuff. The audience applauds and begins chanting "MICKEY! MICKEY!" He bows, takes a seat, and clears his throat._

Mickey Mouse: Hiya everybody! Boy oh boy have we got a great show for you tonight. We're going to be talking to some of your favorite characters from from your favorite Disney movies about their problems. We're particularly going to be talking to the villains seeing that they obviously have a lot of issues. _Maleficent stands up in the back of the audience and several other villains surround her armed with the usual powers of evil._

Maleficent: I beg your pardon? _Mickey tugs at his bow tie nervously._

Mickey: Ahem...just a joke guys. _The villains take their seats but all continue to glare at Mickey._

Mickey: Now then, introducing our first character...GASTON! _Gaston enters and the audience goes wild. Several girls actually fall off their chairs. Gaston grins, winks, starts strutting up and down the stage singing I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt, and does random poses until 5 security guards have to force him to sit in his chair._

Mickey: Well that was...disturbing.

Gaston: Why thank you Mickey. _Mickey looks confused but doesn't say anything on the matter._

Mickey: Um...so Gaston, what brings you to our show today?

Gaston: The bus. _Gaston looks around expecting everyone to laugh. When no one does, he begins to nonchalantly pound his fist into his hand until someone in the audience gets the message and begins to laugh hysterically._

Mickey: Good one, haha. What I meant was...what is your problem? _Gaston stands up threateningly._

Gaston: You saying I have problems?

Mickey: No no no...sheesh everyone's a little touchy tonight. The point of this show is to help characters overcome their problems.

Gaston: So you _are _saying I have problems.

Mickey: Well yes...but you had to have known this would come up? I mean that's why you volunteered to be on the show.

Gaston: Fair point, but you see Mickey I'm not the one with the problem. I agreed to be on this show for a friend.

Mickey: A friend?

Gaston: Yes a friend. He was too shy. _Gaston looks around threateningly again as if daring anyone to disagree._

Mickey: All right then...please continue.

Gaston: Well Mickey, I have this _friend_ who...is extremely handsome...and has muscles the size of barges...and is really brave...and just all around a total hunk. Plus he's good-looking.

Mickey: Okay?

Gaston: Yes well tell me Mickey, who in their right mind wouldn't want to marry me? I mean my friend?

Mickey: I don't-

Gaston: Exactly. I mean she can't possibly be in her right mind can she? She said she wouldn't marry me, but then she goes off and falls in love with this big ugly manimal thing that's holding her prisoner. She has to have been brain-washed or something. Or maybe she really is crazy like her father. Either way no one says no to Gaston.

Mickey: I thought we were talking about your friend?

Gaston: We are.

Mickey: I'm going to take a shot in the dark here Gaston, but is this "friend" actually you? _Gaston pretends to looked shocked._

Gaston: No! Didn't you here me with those big ears of yours? I said my _friend_.

Mickey: Uh-huh. Well Gaston, what did this "friend" do to try to get this girl to marry him?

Gaston: He did what anyone with a brain would do. He threatened to throw her only family member in the loony bin if she refused.

Mickey: That might not have been the best possible way to win the girl's heart.

Gaston: Well he did think about throwing her father into a pit of poisonous monkeys until she decided to marry him. But then if her father actually died, he wouldn't have any bait. Plus there aren't any pits of poisonous monkeys around here. He even tried killing that big ugly manimal thing she cared about but-

Mickey: Gaston, I meant didn't your friend try being a gentleman and show her some respect?

Gaston: Show _her_ respect? She should be the one showing me respect! I'm GORGEOUS! I mean girls practically kiss the ground I walk on! _Gaston looks down and a crew member removes the random girl kissing Gaston's feet._ You see?

Mickey: If so many other girls adore you, why don't you marry one of them and forget about this girl, Gaston?

Gaston: Who said anything about me? _Mickey sighs._

Mickey: Never mind...continue.

Gaston: Well my friend can't have just any girl. She has to be worthy of him. And since that's impossible, Belle was the closest thing he could find.

Mickey: Belle?

Gaston: Yes, Belle. That's the crazy girl. I have to marry her because she's the most beautiful girl I'll ever know. She's almost as beautiful as me. Almost.

Mickey: You said earlier that she really likes this...big ugly-

Gaston: -manimal thing. It's also hairy and stupid.

Mickey: How do you know that she cares for...it?

Gaston: Well she said it was,"kind and gentle" and that it was her friend. She also sort of freaked out when I formed an angry mob to go kill it.

Mickey: Uh-huh...well what would you say if I told you that Belle and her friend were here to talk to you today?

Gaston: I would hurt you. _Mickey gulps and laughs nervously._

Mickey: Well Gaston they actually ARE here. Folks give let's all give a nice warm welcome to Belle and..._Mickey is interrupted by applause as Beast (now in the form of the prince) and Belle enter. Belle waves and curtsies to the crowd as the prince waves awkwardly looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. They take their seats with Belle in between the prince and Gaston. Mickey shakes their hands._

Mickey: Glad to-

Gaston: Who are YOU? _points at the equally if not better looking man on the other side of Belle._

Prince: Well, you knew me as the Beast.

Gaston: You mean you're the big ugly manimal thing?!

Prince: I prefer to be called the Beast.

Gaston: Psh...like that's must better.

Prince: Actually, you're right. _He looks at the ground ashamed. Belle pats his shoulder lovingly and gives Gaston a hard look._

Belle: You haven't changed at all have you?

Gaston: Of course not, Belle. Why would I WANT to change? I'm perfect. _Belle sighs and looks at Mickey for help. Mickey mouths, "Tell me about it" and clears his throat._

Mickey: Gaston, would you like to explain to Belle why you are upset with her?

Gaston: Belle, I'm sure you remember that wonderful morning when I proposed to you?

Belle: I wouldn't exactly use the word "wonderful"-

Gaston: Fantastic, marvelous, some other big word in your vocabulary...call it what you want Belle. That morning I asked you one simple thing. I asked you to marry me. You said no. You were supposed to say yes. End of story, let's go get married. _Gaston attempts to carry Belle off the stage, but she slaps him away. _

Belle: Gaston please! You didn't _ask_ me to marry you. You _demanded_ that I marry you._ Gaston frowns slightly._

Gaston: So if I _asked_ you to marry me you would have said yes?

Belle: Well no...

Gaston: Why not?

Belle: Because I don't love you Gaston!

Gaston: Oh so now you have to _love_ someone to get married?! _Belle begins to slap her forehead repeatedly until the prince pulls her hand away._

Prince: Look, it doesn't matter anymore anyway because...Belle and I are getting married. _Audience gasps, goes "awwww," and claps._

Gaston: WHAT?! Belle, you'll marry him but you won't marry me? Even after _he_ held you prisoner?

Prince: I let her go.

Gaston: You attacked me.

Prince: You stabbed me.

Gaston: You pushed me off the roof.

Prince: You fell. And besides, you lived didn't you?

Gaston: Only for the purpose of this fanfic.

Prince: You still lived.

Gaston: Well you got the girl. _The prince puffs out his chest and grins proudly._

Prince: I did, didn't I?

Belle: Stop it both of you! I'm not some trophy!

Gaston: Don't be ridiculous Belle. I wouldn't put you in my trophy case...there's not enough room. Besides then you wouldn't be able to cook for me and do my laundry. _Belle jumps up from her chair and attempts to kick Gaston but the prince holds her back._

Prince (just to her): He's not worth it Belle.

Belle: You-you're right. I'm sorry.

Prince: Don't be. I would've done exactly the same thing. I _would_ have if...

Belle: If what?

Prince: If I'd never met you. You've made me want to be a better person Belle. _They gaze into each other's eyes and the prince brushes a strand of hair away from her face._

Gaston: I think I'm going to be sick. _Belle looks away from the prince and takes Gaston's hand. The prince and Gaston look confused._

Belle: Gaston, despite the fact you're a sexist egotistical pig who tried to force me to marry you, throw my father in the asylum, and kill my future husband, I hope you find someone you truly do care about as more than a trophy someday. You can force me to marry you, but you can't force me to love you. And you're _Gaston._ You are the best and deserve the best right? You deserve someone to love you like I love him (_she motions to the prince). _And even if we can't be friends, can we all agree to at least act civilized around one another?

Gaston: Well I don't know about _that_, but you're right about one thing Belle. I am Gaston and I am the best. I deserve better than you. Just because you're the most beautiful woman in the village doesn't mean you're the most beautiful woman _ever_. I think I wanted you for my wife just because I couldn't have you. And I always get what I want. But now I'll just tell everyone back home that I've decided you're crazy and let you run off with the big ugly manimal thing to go read books! _Belle sighs again and the prince rolls his eyes. _

Belle (to the prince): I tried.

Prince: And that's all you could do.

Gaston (still thinking this over): You were right Belle. _She turns toward him._ It would have never worked between us, darling. I'm sorry. _Jack Sparrow appears in the audience and stands up._

Jack: 'Scuse me, but that'd be my line.

Gaston: What, does it have your name on it or something?

Jack: Er...it's a _line_ mate.

Gaston: Yeah, didn't think so. _Jack sits back down, too confused to respond._

Prince: Anyway (_he hesitates, then extends his hand toward Gaston)_ ...have a nice life Gaston.

Gaston: Yeah, yeah you too...uh...what _is_ your real name? _The prince smiles._

Prince: Well actually my name is-

Mickey: Sorry folks, but we have to go to a commercial. We'll be back after these short messages. _The Kanine Krunchies song plays._

Mickey: Wow those were some short messages. Okay so before we let you go, is there anything you'd like to add Gaston? ...Gaston? _Gaston has pulled out a mirror and is now flexing and winking at his reflection._

Mickey: Guess not. _He turns to Belle and the prince. _Well thank you guys for being here and helping Gaston with his problem. (_mutters) _Golly, it seems like it's not his only one though. _Belle and the prince laugh._ _Gaston stops what he's doing and looks around abruptly._

Gaston: Who said anything about me? It's my _friend _with the problem. _Mickey, Belle, and the prince begin to beat their heads against their chairs while Gaston shrugs and goes back to looking at himself._

**Author's Other Note: Okay so I hoped you liked it. Obviously. Please review and give me ideas for more chapters! Thank you!**


End file.
